Monday, November 18, 1996

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Well, I haven’t broken my arm.

I tried to put up an internet Christmas list but the graphics don’t work right. I’ll just do a paper one and email it to my brother.

So Star Trek 8 comes out on Friday. I’m going to see it with W____. He’s a big trekker. It should be entertaining.

I’m teaching my mom how to play pool.

There’s a girl in sociology named M____ L____. I swear she could be a model.

On Friday was the pie auction. The highest bidder gets to throw a pie at a teacher. I had a good view of K____ but she seems to be fading out of my thoughts. M____ coming in instead, as well as B____ D____ and T____.

The Weezer concert was on Friday too. I didn’t go, as I’m sure you guess. I bet it was good. Damn. Next time.

Dear Teen-aged Matt,

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Monday, November 11, 1996

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Happy Rememberance Day! Wait, that’s not something happy.

I passed K____ on the stairs, M____ in the hall and B____ in class.

I had an optometrist appointment.

I was horny just a second ago, but now I’m depressed and tired.

S____ might be coming over on Friday but only if K____ F____ doesn’t want me to go over to his place.

So B____’s psychic. I wonder if she knows I like her? I hope so. I hope everyone I like knows I like them. Thing is though, if they were to ask me I’d sheepishly deny it. I just thought of something:

And now the theme to Garbonzo the human enema! Garbonzo the human enema! He’ll make you laught, he’ll make you shit, Garbonzo! Garbonzo! Garbonzooooooooooooo!!!

How about it? Funny eh?

 

Dear Teen-aged Matt,

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Friday, November 8, 1996

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I went to a website of surrealist artist Rene Magritte. Really nifty stuff. High realism but with surreal subject. Huh. I printed off probably his most famous painting, “Sum of Man” which is a guy with an apple right in front of his face. I like it.

Got my second Hepatitis B shot today. Didn’t tell K____ about the shirt. All I can do is crack bad jokes or make small talk when I’m around her. Argg! I want to be with her, hold her. Close, smell her, taste her. Feel her against my body. Just be.

Got a real internet homepage today. Pretty crappy and very little lee-way unless you fork over the cash. Oh well. I just have to master HTML and I should be able to make it pretty good.

I got some good looks at M____ today after school. She’s nice. Too cool for me though. I gotta get a haircut. Tomorrow. Always tomorrow. Just like my dad. “Hey dad, can I get this?” “Maybe next week Matt.” Next week never comes and so I’m left without it.

I oughta get a job. Get some cash flow. Get some confidence.

I should be getting my theremin soon. I think. What else? I should be getting something else in the mail soon. I wonder what it is. If it exists even.

When I saw K____ outside the gym in line for vaccination she looked kinda strange. Probably just nervous I guess. I said to D____, “Don’t worry D____, it only hurts a little.” I can never think of anything really funny in front of K____. It’s usually really lame. I just sorta stutter and can’t get the words out. How can I get confidence?

 

Dear Teen-aged Matt,

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Friday, November 1, 1996

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B____ D____ presented her independent study on psychic abilities in Sociology today. Wow. She’s great. I love her voice and her face and her body and the way she talks and she isn’t stupid and she’s just super! No, I didn’t tell K____ about the shirt!

B____ D____ can see auras. Her whole family is full of psychics. Neat eh? I wonder what colour my aura is when I’m thinking about her. I wish I could see auras.

I really need to be exposed to K____ some more! I must tell her about the shirt on Monday! I must! I’m getting my Huevos Rancheros CD tomorrow. Oh well. I was hoping for it today.

B____ D____’s facial expressions are so great! I love it! Her face makes all sorts of great expressions. She’s beautiful! Oh well, that kinda sucks that I have no confidence.

I should change my topic for sociology to hypnotism. I bet someone’s already doing repressed memories but I wouldn’t be talking about that. I’d have to hypnotize S____ or someone. That would be neat. I could have a thesis and research and everything. I should do that because the commercial thing can’t be done for the most part. Too bad too, because I have over 7 or 8 hours of commercials and music videos I could spin through. Oh well.

I wish I knew M____ better too. Right now it’s purely physical and some mental (i.e. she’s super cool). Courage, romance and me just don’t go together. I guess.

I’d really like to be friendly with any of them and then have that move into dating / having relationship. Especially K____.

 

Dear teen-aged Matt,

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Tuesday, October 29, 1996

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Guess what, I still haven’t told K____ about the “You Suck” shirt. Tomorrow I’m going to suck it up and tell her. What do I have to lose? thing. Nothing at all.

In a dream yesterday night I talked to M____ about something and I hugged and kissed K____. Very nice, but I shouldn’t get to delusional. The plot was like so: I was talking to S____ for whatever reason and when she left she hugged me like on Friends or something. and I said, “y’know, I just don’t get it, you guys are into all this touchy, hugging stuff. Why?” and K____ said, “you’re just not doing it right is all”, or something like that. and then she hugged me, and it felt wonderful, like I was a baby in someone’s arms again. Then our eyes met and like on TV we kissed. I don’t remember tongues, but it was passionate nonetheless.

I walked behind M____ today. God she’s beautiful. I don’t know what it is about her. I just really like her.

 

Dear Teen-aged Matt,

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Monday, October 28, 1996

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Well, I didn’t tell K____ about the shirt today. But tomorrow for sure. I have the perfect opportunity too. Right before driver’s ed. Hopefully I’ll be able to before that, but I doubt I will if I have the chance. Oh well. I should ask her to see that new Romeo & Juliet movie with Claire Danes. It looks good. Seriously, it does. I wonder if she likes me. Everybody likes me, but I mean likes me, you know? Of course you do.

I NEED A HAIRCUT DAMMIT!

Stressful day in Comm. Tech. today. Editing shot. and essay (1200 words) Shit. In art we’re doing gargoyles. I want to do a troubled businessman. And I think I will.

T____ in math said, “Hey Matt, close the door.” as soon as I walked in. I walked behind K____ for a few feet. I got a glimpse of M____ from behind and again waiting for the bus. S____ F____ said, “What you doing back here Matt?” and I said, “Checking when my thing is.”

It was a rather eventful day in delusional romances today. I wonder what kind of music they all like.

I NEED A HAIRCUT DAMMIT!

M____’s wearing a Treble Charger t-shirt in the yearbook. I think K____ likes The Cranberries. I like them too. T____’s in grade 10, but I like her anyway. I hope my Huevos Rancheros CD comes in soon, but then again, I have no money.

I hope my theremin comes back soon. There is some sort of duty screw up or something that will hopefully be cleared up quickly. I’m helping K____ F____ with a geography project video and I haven’t started on my own. Shit!

 

Dear Teen-aged Matt,

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Tuesday, October 22, 1996

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So yesterday there was an accident with the Driver’s Ed group. I might not have to drive tomorrow.

K____ was wearing a black blouse, maybe not a blouse, but a black thing anyway. Very flattering.

Yesterday M____ was wearing a shirt, I guess from the seventies, looked so wonderful on her! M____ has a great figure. You can’t tell from the yearbook picture but she’s beautiful. I don’t have half a chance though. She hangs with an entirely different crowd. I think of course maybe she’s getting tired of the monotony of the friend group and would like some sort of holiday, like me!

I’d like to hang out with K____ and her gang for a while, just for a change of scenery and to be near K____. Not only that, but I would like some female friends, I really would.

I wonder if anyone honestly, truly things I’m gay. I hope not, although it would be an excuse for no one flirting with me. I flirt with K____ every chance I get, but I don’t do it consciously, it’s just that type of humour in me that comes out when I’m around her.

still yearn.

Dear Teen-aged Matt,

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